Boundaries: Are You Or Others In The Driver's Seat?

Boundaries are a tricky thing to uphold, especially with those we love.   Many people have unhealthy boundaries due to abuse (sexual, physical, emotional, neglect), betrayal, low self-esteem, or poor examples shown to us by role models and our family of origin.  Understanding your personal boundaries and ensuring they are healthy is a key factor to creating a ​

healthy relationship with self. 

How would you describe your personal boundaries?  Strong or weak? Consistent or scattered?  Fear or love based?  Coming from a place of self-love or people pleasing?  Safe or dangerous?  Here are some signs of healthy vs. unhealthy boundaries.   The first step to creating healthier boundaries is bringing awareness to this area, taking a personal inventory of where you are and making positive adjustments with each new opportunity.  Creating healthy personal boundaries, no matter what we were taught or experienced, is absolutely possible.

Healthy

• Saying no when you don’t want to do something and sticking to it.
• Not compromising your values to be with someone or be liked.
• Not settling for less than you need and desire and holding out until it arrives.
• Ending a relationship that you know is no longer is healthy.

• Holding out for a relationship that is healthy and a strong match to you in areas that are important, even if this means being alone for awhile.
• Not taking it personally when others express you’ve hurt them when you set clear boundaries.
• Not taking on other people’s issues.  Allowing others to address their own healing opportunities vs. trying to fix them.
• Spending time with those who have healthy boundaries and knowing how to recognize these people.
• Not allowing people to take advantage of your generous nature and connecting with those who have a healthy expression of giving vs. taking.  Energy vampires are a no no!
• Trusting your own decisions, without being rebellious or using your actions as a projection of image. 
• Knowing who you are and what you want and not allowing yourself to be overly influenced by others.

Unhealthy

• Saying yes to something when you really want to say no.
• Giving in or compromising parts of yourself that are not in alignment with your values.
• Settling for less than you know you really need or desire.

• Staying in a relationship that you know is no longer healthy due to a fear-based reason.
• Entering a relationship to avoid being alone and overlooking important areas like trust, communication & compatibility.
• Taking things personally when others express you hurt them when you set a boundary.   This is their issue and let them deal with it.
• Taking on other people’s issues, getting overly involved, and paying a price energetically for this.  When you get overly involved in addressing unhealthy behaviors in others and try to fix them, ask yourself why you’re doing this.  Are you avoiding your own growth?  Often you end up cheating the other person out of a growth opportunity by doing the heavy lifting for them.  
• Limiting your time with those who have unhealthy boundaries and are consistently taking from you.  These are called energy vampires and you’ll recognize them because you feel exhausted after interacting with them.
• Allowing people to take advantage of your generous nature.
• Allowing others to direct your life and sit back without questioning this.
• Letting others define you.